I’ve always struggled with trusting people. I think part of it is inherited and I don’t really know how much of my feelings about trust extend to other people, but I feel like there are always two little men on my shoulders. One of them is the guy telling me to be practical, to trust no one, to protect myself from the bad and the ugly. That little man keeps me grounded, and probably ends up being the more powerful voice in my decision-making process. His vocal opponent though is usually morally superior. Sitting on my other shoulder, he is always telling me to trust everyone, to give them the benefit of the doubt first. Why should I have negative feelings toward people that either I’ve never met or simply don’t deserve it, he tells me.
As I’ve transitioned from American society to Chinese society, I feel like the first little man (the negative one) has gained more power. Trusting people is just something I find doing less and less. In the big picture, it’s kind of depressing. I want to trust everyone. I don’t want to feel like I have to distrust people until they prove to me otherwise. I don’t want to worry about people stealing my wallet on the subway or house cleaners stealing my belongings when they clean my apartment. I want to be able to loan people my cool stuff and not have to worry if I’ll ever see them intact again. In a picture perfect world, those concerns should not be part of my life.
Instead, though, I find they are a part of my life and an increasingly bigger part of my life as I get older, with more responsibilities and cooler stuff. It’s a shame, I wish I could avoid it, but I simply don’t know how. Who knows, maybe its simply an age thing?
I kinda have the same feeling . I 100 percent want to be someone who trusts everyone . In college, i ever gave money to a street lady who came up to me ,declared that she was lost and couldn’t find her husband in this strange city, and she needed just several yuan for the bus fare. And not surprisingly, I saw the lady several days later , asking others for money and pitching the same old reason.
so it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to believe a total stranger. No wonder in Chinese society, there is a strong reliance on what we call “Guanxi” —- a special connection and bond between people, with which doing things is very smoothly and without which everything seems like insurmountable.
I really hated this sometimes. i am not saying building connections with people is bullshit, actually that is how this world works. In China , people push this trend to another level. What is worse, young people got spoilt if their parents are , or know someone , who is in a certain position with power. This weird sense of superiority is disgusting , which leads to snobbism , ignorance, and sometimes strong dependence.
you just can’t have nice stuff anymore
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