I didn’t think there would be a sequel to the toilet saga but nevertheless, it shall continue.  This time however, we are dealing with a side of toilets that China thrives on and countries like the US have never really experienced.  I’m talking about the squat toilet of course.

This afternoon, I went with JJ to meet her friend at a pool hall.  We were playing game after game of cutthroat, which was pretty funny considering we were all so bad and kept scratching, making the games last forever.  At some point, I felt the urge to go #2.  It hit me that this place could potentially have bathroom issues.  I started to have a minor panic attack, constantly worrying that the bathroom inside this pool hall might not have toilet paper.   It was definitely not my usual character to get so worried about something like this.  Eventually I ended up buying a pack of tissues from the counter, with the help of JJ, and proceeded to walk towards the back of the hall to the bathroom.

Little did I know that my minor panic attach did not serve me well because I had unfortunately been worrying about the wrong state of affairs.  Instead of thinking about the stupid lack of toilet paper this bathroom might have, which it turned out it did have, when I entered the stall, I found it was the squat toilet that I was to deal with.  Ughh.  First thought was:  ”Oh shit.  I forgot about those.” (no pun intended).

Now I don’t know if I am just out of practice, or if I never really was properly trained in the correct technique, but those kind of toilets are damn impossible to use.  Being a 6′ 3″ guy, a little overweight, not the most flexible guy in the world doesn’t help my situation either.  But still, I really don’t know how one is able to perform without being incredible uncomfortable, strained and constantly worrying about either losing grip of the walls and falling right into the hole or getting your pants filthy as stuff drops from your body to the toilet.  (If that wasn’t graphic enough).

This time though, I topped it off in the disgusting department.  I did my job, had an uncomfortable experience like usual, got up, got my shorts back on and then realized something awful.  My shorts had been laying directly on the ground while I was doing my business.  Instead of just laying on the ground though, because this was a squat toilet, they lay just beside the hole, near to where the foot imprints were.  It just so happens that this area was wet, presumably with pee but I sure hope not (But that little guy on my shoulder keeps telling me it is still pee).  The result:  about two inches of shorts were soaking wet.  As I walked, they touched my leg.  Then I had the even more uncomfortable experience of either hiding it and continue playing pool or reveal this bit of news to JJ and proceed from there.  I ended up telling JJ and continued to play pool.  What fun that was.

The underlying question remains though.  Why in the world would any place still have those kind of toilets.  We were playing pool in a rather fancy place, it certainly wasn’t cheap by Chinese standards and I counted the pool tables, 22 in total.  That is thousands of dollars in equipment, plus rent, tournaments.  This place can’t afford a real toilet?  I’ve heard from multiple people that they prefer the squat toilet to the normal toilet.  Some of them are even my age!  I can understand cultural differences to an extent but this one is beyond me.  Any person of any significant size should find a normal toilet 1000% times more comfortable during the the #2 job.  I just don’t understand.  Are there actually people out there that are comparable to my size that don’t have a real problem with the squat toilet?  Am I missing something here?  Are there any benefits whatsoever to squatting?